ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#$%*$@$&#@$#!!!-Saturday, December 7, 2002-12:25 a.m.
Just freakin' great! CRAP-CRAPPITY-CRAP-CRAP!! Adam did, in fact, get my little pitiful email, and now he's mad at me... GAH I don't know why I even bother. Really. Why? There's no point at all. None whatsoever. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! I am so freakin p.o.ed right now, you could probably fry an egg on my skin!! There WILL be blood! There will be death...as I always say. Time to listen to some Arch Enemy and attempt to forget my problems...if that's even possible.

What a crappy day...again.-Friday, December 6, 2002-04:50 p.m.
I still haven't seen Adam online or heard from him at all in a while...I hope he's not mad at me for some reason. That would royally suck. Anyway, today was another one of those tiring, embarrassing days that you ask yourself why you even bothered to get out of bed for. Geez, I suppose it might have something to do with Fred, but that's already a whole other problem in itself. I have been in so much pain all day! And then I practically passed out in three of my four classes, I was so sleepy...In fact, I'm still sleepy....Ugh, I went back to Starbucks today to see if "my boyfriend" was working, and right as we were leaving, THAT's when Mr. Lybrand decided to show up, so I didn't get to talk to him today ;_;(after school anyway). OK I must explain about the "boyfriend" thing, cuz I guarantee I have no b/f presently-- it's just a nickname between me and Jess for one of the guys working there...Ya see, he was staring at me BIGTIME on Tuesday when I went with my friend Jess. While she was ordering, he was acknowledging hearing her but looking straight at ME!! What the heck?! And then he must have heard me telling her what I wanted, cuz he fixed mine for me and handed it right to me, making sure our hands touched as he passed me the cup. LOL it's like something out of a romance movie if you ask me...but I like that kind of thing, so I was like HECK YEAH. And THEN when we were sitting next to the window, I saw him over at the counter talking to his friend and looking over this little separating wall at me!! He took a break for a little while and went outside to talk on his cell, but he sat in just the right place so that he could stare at me STILL MORE! And to top it all off, when Mr. Lybrand showed up and we were all talking together, Loverboy got a clipboard and was walking around the room and just STOOD RIGHT BESIDE US, only like 4 or 5 feet away...I was soo wanting to just turn to him and be like,"...is there something I can do for you?" LOL naw, I don't wanna be mean to him, cuz he was being really nice, and he made my chai creme frappucino quite nicely! --besides, he is kinda cute. But yeah there's the background to this story, and now I shall continue where I left off with today's events. As it happened, he was working, but he wasn't checking me out so much today ;_;...that made me sad. But I think that was because my mom was with me rather than Jess, so he felt weird about it or didn't wanna be caught by a parent or something...i hope that's all it was...Maybe I just look really crappy today, cuz I sure FEEL crappy enough! Anyway, I plan to go back on Tuesday of next week with Jess again, and THEN we'll see what happens *crosses fingers* -- that is, if he's working.

Updates!-Thursday, December 5, 2002-09:42 p.m.
OK, I just remembered I might wanna put up the address to the entries I recently archived, so THEN when new people come to this page (yeah RIGHT), they can figure out what the heck I'm talking about from past stuff. Here it is: http://darkazrylle.pitas.com/archive.html. And now that I know how to put up a link, here's my webpage addy: http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/dark_azrylle. That's all I have to say for now, cuz today hasn't been the most thrilling day of my life, and I'm so tired, I can barely form a coherent sentence...though this entry would suggest otherwise...0.o...Oh well, anyway, talk to you guys later--oh and one more thing...according to my ex-b/f and friend of Adam, Adam was sick yesterday, which would explain why he was home when he said he'd be at work all day, but that still does not excuse him from ignoring me, even AFTER he finished talking to whoever the crap he was talking to! So I'm still sad about it. PMS is a bad thing. Luckily (or actually NOT), starting today, it'll just be MS. Hah, get it? OK sorry, but if you ever hear me mention Fred, that's the code name for my little monthly visitor (sorry guys, I'll stop now). OK OK no more talking for me....need....sleep.....*drools from the numbness*

I cannot BELIEVE this!-Wednesday, December 4, 2002-05:21 p.m.
OK, I sent Adam an email inviting him over tonight to which he replied with this email:

"Sorry, I'm working all day Wednesday. I'll let you know when I can come to see you. TTYL.

Adam"

Even though the email wasn't very kind in tone like he normally would make it, with at LEAST a smilie face or two, I tried not to let it bother me too much, cuz I reasoned that he might have been in a hurry when he wrote it. HOWEVER, he is online right NOW...NOT at work ¬¬. All day, my butt *grumbles* He got online at like 5 or so, and I waited a bit to see if he'd IM me -- NOPE. Finally I said something to him, and he was like "hang on a sec, I'm talking to someone." He put on his stupid "brb" away message and it's now 5:26 and it isn't down yet...oh wait, lookie there! It IS down, but has he IMed me? Nooooo. Never! GAAAH!!!!!!!! I HATE GUYS RIGHT NOW SOOO SOOO SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! *ahem* sorry, I'm rather PMS-y at the moment...I've been crying about this for a while, but of course, being lied to and then ignored is never fun, now, is it? grrrr......ok, that is IT. I'm not IMing him, so if he doesn't want to talk to me, FINE. Have it his way!! I don't want to talk to lying sons of-- never mind. Just forget it. I think I'll just sign off on him. I'm not gonna take this from anyone anymore. I've been taking it for way too long. But NO MORE! I don't need anyone! They only cause me pain. It is soo not worth it. Yeah yeah, enough ranting for now, I'm gonna go attempt to take my mind off of it and not cry. LoL DANG it, I'm such a spaz, but whatever. You would be if you'd dealt with my crap for as long as I have. So long, people, until another earth-shaking experience!

P.S. Hey look! 5:33 and he STILL hasn't IMed me. Ah, forget him.

My poor heart...-Tuesday, December 3, 2002-06:35 p.m.
I just found out not too long ago that my favorite teacher of all time (you KNOW who I mean) is not going to be teaching here in the U.S. next year...sure, I will have graduated, but I had hoped I could come visit him after the fact...I mean, don't forget my five-year rule...did I tell you about that? Well, I said that in five years, if I don't have anyone, I'm so calling him up! But now....he's gonna be so far away, "learning abroad"...;_; *cries* He can't...I mean, I'm happy for him in whatever choice he makes, and heck, I'd do it if I had the money and opportunity, so I can't point any fingers..But nonetheless, I'll miss him so so much. I cried when he told me too...lol THAT was embarrassing. Anyway, another thing weighing on my heart is an email I received in reply to something I sent Adam. The way it sounded..the way he "talked" (typed)...it had no emotion in it...Most of the time he at least has a smile in it for me, but not today...I fear I was wrong about my him-still-liking-me theory. And in case you didn't already know, that sucks a lot, cuz I was just starting to get really excited about it..Life sucks. My recommmendation at THIS point in time:

Swear to a life of celibacy. (Look it up.)