I HATE ADAM!!!!!!-Monday, January 6, 2003-07:44 p.m.
I have never been so humiliated and so pissed off as I am RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got online just a second ago and saw that Adam was online. I was curious to see what his away message said, and lo and behold, look what it in fact DID say: "Out with my girl. ^_^" OK seriously WHAT THE HELL?? Since when does he have another little tart to screw around with? How dare he flirt like he did and then ignore me, only to have me find out that he's with some stupid little slut that I don't really even WANT to know who it is. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO %#&%$in' pissed now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to beat him to a bloody pulp!!! I hope THIS little airhead turns him in and he goes to jail. THAT would teach him to play with my heart like the asswipe that he is!!!!! I felt sorry for him and I loved him, and he stomped my heart into the ground!! DIE, YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH! DIE!!!!!!

I've just had an epiphany!-Saturday, January 4, 2003-11:01 p.m.
As I was getting out of the shower this afternoon, I realized something. OK, remember when I wanted Chris to come with me to the movies? I dunno if I wrote about it. Probably not. But I invited him to come along with me and a friend of mine to see Two Towers, even though he'd already seen it. He said he'd love to go. The morning of our little outing, I got a call from him. I must have sounded sad, cuz he said that I did and asked why. I said that there were a few possibilities as to why he would be calling me right now, and he was like, "no, I'm still going." And I was like "phew! good." But then he was like, "...but is it alright if I bring a friend." I was disappointed that he'd be distracted, but I was nice and said no problem. GUESS WHO THAT FRIEND WAS...ROBERT. GRRR. So, considering the fact that Robert told David not to come to his house if I was gonna be coming too, I should have told Chris not to bother coming if Robert was gonna tag along!! See what I mean though?? Rob treated me last night in the EXACT opposite way of how I had treated him before -- he was mean to me where I had been kind to him. That just PROVES that he's an @$$clown, as I stated yesterday. That pisses me off even more than yesterday though...I mean, I was mad before, but when THAT thought struck me and I remembered what had happened the day of the movie, MAN, my head just about EXPLODED. Do you see where I'm coming from here? This is the kind of crap I deal with every day. >.< GAH LEE. Why me? I'm STILL trying to figure out what Rob even has against me. I've been thinking all day of possible ways I may have been mean to him in elementary school, but I honestly wasn't that close to him to begin with. I don't think I hardly talked to the boy. We weren't even in the same classes. I mean, SCHWAT EN ZEE HAIL, man?? What the freakin crap did I do to you SEVEN FREAKIN YEARS AGO that makes you such an asshole today? I doubt I did anything, but then that makes me wonder why he's being like he is...I'll see what I can dig up.

HOLY CRAP I'm mad.-Saturday, January 4, 2003-12:31 a.m.
OK, I was at my friend David's house watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and David's brother John was at this guy Robert's house with Robert (obviously) and Chris (ya know, the one I like) playing D&D. John called David asking him to come over and play in the game too, but David told him we were watching a movie so NO. THEN, later, Robert, that stupid *bleep*in' @$$clown, called and told David that they needed another player to play D&D. David was like, "Well, can Sherry come? cuz she wants to play." I wish he had said that he simply wanted me to come along, cuz I don't want them thinking I'm pushing my way into their lives, cuz I'm not. But oh well, too late now. Robert just better not talk about it to Chris (although he probably will, seeing as how he's a complete @$$clown). Anyway, back to the main story, I could tell by David's reaction that Robert had said no, but I wanted to know to what extent. Later, David told me Rob said he didn't want me to come over there. *grumbles* stupid @$$clown!!! MAN, I'm in a bad mood. Sorry about this, but I need to vent. As it happened, David proceded to ask why not, but apparently Rob didn't give a good enough reason, cuz David (bless his soul for all time) just said "screw you" a bunch of times, obviously talking over what was probably Rob trying to reason why he's being a jerkoff, and then he hung up on him. THANK you, DAVID. Rob needed to be hung up on, so I'm glad I could be there to witness it. Seriously though, what is his freakin problem?? I haven't talked to him or hardly even SEEN him since elementary school...SEVEN years ago, for freakin pete's sake. And then I find out from Chris that Rob TOLD Chris I'd cheated on the spelling bee in elementary school...he's just jealous that I made it to county-wide. And anyway, HOW THE *BLEEP* DO YOU CHEAT ON A *BLEEP*IN' SPELLING BEE?!?!?!?!?!?! hehe David and Chris said I could have had an ear-piece of some kind...and I was like, oh yeah, RIGHT, high tech....in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Sure. But it did bring a smile to my face -- briefly. Now I'm back to being FUMINGLY p.o.ed at that stupid good-for-nothing, idiotic, asinine, and anal-retentive buttweasel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what he suddenly has against me, except maybe that I want to be with his best friend and he just can't handle it. That's sad. And kind of gay...¬¬

It's been a while!-Friday, January 3, 2003-12:18 a.m.
Happy New Year! Sorry I haven't been keeping this updated. I've just been busy, suprisingly. Plus, for some reason, when I WAS online, this never crossed my mind. Even still, sad as I am, I write to you again -- whoever the ominous "you" is. I have some adjectives that describe me right now, dramatic as they are:

• Alone.
• Faded.
• Beaten.
• Depressed.
• Torn.
• Broken.
• Hated.
• Scorned.
• Miserable.
• Unloved.
• Betrayed.
• Isolated.
• Forsaken.
• Abandoned.

I had a little get-together at my house tonight, but I don't think it went as well as I had hoped. I don't think Chris likes me as I originally believed him to. I need to stop jumpimng to conclusions all the time, cuz it only ends up hurting someone -- generally speaking, ME. OMG, I hate my life SO much. I think Fred is coming too, so I'm not in the best of moods as it is. Anyway, Jon (my stupid ex-b/f--normally I don't dislike my ex's, but this one whines like a little baby ALL THE TIME and it's -pardon my French- a pain in the ass!) is whining about how much it's gonna cost to fix his car this time. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing all his car s***, cuz there's ALWAYS something wrong with it, and he doesn't take care of it like he should. I am so *bleep*in' sick of his incessant whining. WOULD YA LIKE A LITTLE CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE, JON???? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! OK, I need to take a Midol and get some sleep, I'm thinking. But rest assured, he annoys me like this all the time, not just when I have PMS. I know I'm kinda biting myself in the butt here, cuz actually I'm whining about him whining, but at least I'm not forcing anybody to hear it! I just need to vent and that's what this is for. He, on the other hand, has to tell ME all of his s***ty problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't EVERY F***in' TIME he talks to me and about the same thing EVERY TIME. GAH! I need to cool off. It's been a bad night. Nite-nite, people.

Glad to be home.-Friday, December 27, 2002-09:39 p.m.
Well, today I am home from our little trip to visit our relatives for Christmas. I must say, it always feels good to be back in front of my computer and online...ahh.....oh yes, the feel and sound of the keys under my fingers as I listen to my Nightwish mp3s......'Tis a dream come true! I really like knowing what's going on around me with my friends and stuff too, so checking my email was a nice little updating moment. ^_^ Chris wrote me back and again wrote a super-long email that I wouldn't generally expect from a guy, but I LIKE it!!! Anyway, I'm hoping he'll want to come with me to see Two Towers, cuz I REALLY want him to!! But yeah, enough for now. Don't forget to check out my website: http://www.angelfire.com/stars4/dark_azrylle !

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention: I GOT A BUTT BELT!!!!^_^ I've been wanting one for a while now. I went to Target with a giftcard I just got from my grandparents and got a belt that's like a size of XXL. See, I normally wear size M, but the studded belt I have, being size M, won't go over my humongous butt, lol. So I wanted another cool belt to put over my butt. At least now, if I get fat, I'll have an XXL belt around and just use it for my waist rather than my butt! hehehehehe ^_^ (Hopefully I WON'T get fat though!!) OK OK, I'm done now! Nitey nite people, unless I get bored later, since my good-for-nothing friends decided not to wait for me and instead go out without me and I'm left at home freezing to death in the computer room....yeeah......ok BYE!

Phew.-Thursday, December 19, 2002-05:56 p.m.
Well, I'm halfway done with finals! Unfortunately my two hardest ones are tomorrow. 'Course, saying that they're going to be harder than the ones I took today isn't saying much, cuz the two I took today were so easy I laughed. The two tomorrow will be a little bit of a challenge....but it's soooo worth it!! I shall get to talk to Chris more ^_^ Yes yes, I have another guy to drool over, but hey, so what? I'm single, so I'm allowed. Besides, right now I'm browsing through EVERY aisle, thank you very much. I don't want to make the same mistake my brother did, focusing all his energy on one girl and then not even ending up with her. At least NOW he's starting to get out, but I felt so bad for him. I can't do that to myself too. So I suppose my fickleness is psychologically based on what I know of my brother's history with love. Even still, when I have a boyfriend, I'm faithful to him, so no one should point any fingers.

ANYwayz, today is Chris's b-day, so he's not home right now ;_;...Oh well, I'll see him tomorrow, and hopefully he'll have a happy b-day!

Man I was MAD today after school, cuz I went to give Mr. Lybrand his Christmas present and this stupid girl who's ALWAYS in his room showed up with a burn on her hand asking for aloe. Then she wouldn't leave, and she was waiting around until we were gone. >.< GRRRRRR!!!!! And Mr. Lybrand read my card and got the $10 Starbucks card out and was ahppy and stuff, but THEN she had him read her card and it had a Starbucks card in it too!!!!!!! CURSE HER AND ALL HER PROGENY. I'm very VERY angry right now. Well, at least on that side of it all, cuz otherwise I'm either stressed about finals, sad about classes being over and not being with my friends anymore, or happy about Chris's seeming interest in me. I'm so confused! lol Have a nice day, people, ttyl.