OK here's the 411 on this crud.-Saturday, February 8, 2003-01:27 a.m.
About SB, Mr. Lybrand and another girl that was working there and was flirting with/butt-kissing him started mocking me about my crush on John. They tried to discourage my feelings and insult my intelligence in the matter. Sod 'em. Sod the whole lot of them. For there is another wondrous man to be in my life...Brad ^_^. He looks at me in class, but that could be for other reasons...I mean, I do act kinda dumb a lot hehehehe - and not in the unintelligent sense, but in the psycho sense, hehehe. Oh well, if he doesn't like that stuff, then he could never love me, seeing as how 90% of the time I'm a psycho, lol. IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY THOUGH!! I really am very sweet, smart, and funny...but some people just can't handle a little random weirdness once and a while. GEEZ. It's not like I'm sacrificing cats to some golden calf or whatever! I'm only strange in the sense that I will be VEERRRY silly at times, but it's only cuz I wanna be happy, have a good time, and enjoy life while I'm still young enough to get a lot out of it lol. Anyway....Brad...I knew him in middle school, but I was weird then too, so I may not have left such a fun impression on him heeheeheee. I can still hope and try though! I won't let Mr. Lybrand or ANYone puncture my dreams this time! I'll only give up when I'm ready or when I've won. And that's that. Besides, those eyes cannot be so easily turned away from.....his eyes are brown, dark like chocolate and deep as the sea. Whoa this sounds cheezy....oh well, it's true, so big whoop if it sounds dumb to others. GAH I love his eyes. Dark as they are, they still sparkle like far-away stars, and they have a power about them that absolutely enchants me...Ah and his hair....small wisps barely ouch his forehead in an out-of-place, pleasantly teasing manner....*sigh*....And his SOUL. That's a whole other story! But alas, my poetic thoughts have once again brought me to a peaceful state...and a renewed desire to sleep, perchance to dream...of BRAD and his gorgeous eyes! And maybe his lips too.....*melts*

OOOH new guy! new guy-Thursday, February 6, 2003-03:57 p.m.
His name is Brad. His looks are of no comparison. His status (as far as I know, anyway) is single. His number one fan....is me. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I've known him for a while, and now he's in my Brit. Lit. class....*drools* He hit the "Big P" nicely. stirfry says- the big p....so many doors will open for him now!!! LOL okaaay.... ANYway, things went down in flames at Starbucks... not that I don't ever wanna go there again, cuz there will always be CHAI CREME FRAPPUCINOS!!!!! But I won't be fawning over John anymore...cuz I'll be made fun of to no end. I'll explain later..I'm at school right now and I should be in Gamers' Club at the moment....besides, the library's closing. Get back to ya later!

My advice on hot guys:-Saturday, February 1, 2003-09:11 p.m.
From my experiences, I have learned one thing above all: Admire them from a distance, but never get to know them. Sorry, guys, I don't mean to sound like some feminazi, cuz I'm FAR from that! But the guys that I'VE experienced have proven it to be true. Nevertheless, I confess that there are probably very decent and wonderful guys out there....I just haven't been lucky enough to find one of them yet. *pouts* Oh, but I had fun tonight! My parents and I went to a barbecue place, and a hot guy waited on us ^_^ and he was really nice too! THEN we went to Lowe's and these two guys working there were checking me out...meanwhile, I was checking THEM out, teehee. Last, BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST, we went to the big green SB! STARBUCKS RULES!! LoL ^_^ But yeah, John was working, and despite the fact that my mom was with me, he was looking at me a lot! YAY!! That always makes me feel better, teeheehee. But the problem was that he had little "informants" running around for him....What do I mean, you ask? I MEAN that while I was trying to check John out, his little work buddies (one especially) were watching me, and chances are that they were just seeing when I look at John and then they'll go back later and tell him about it! CURSED INFORMANTS!! LoL I despise spies! hehehe Oh well, it was still MUCH fun! Well, I wanna call Dweenie and tell her all about it, but she's not home, so I must wait....I would email her, but she never checks it anymore! So I shall just sit here and listen to music, sipping my cran-raspberry tea and dreaming of John's wondrous eyes......*gets that glazed over look of surreal happiness*

Yay! The big green SB strikes again!-Wednesday, January 29, 2003-07:57 p.m.
I went to SB after school today with Jess, and I didn't get anything, but that's okay, cuz I SOOOO did not need a Chai Creme Frappucino....I was plenty happy as it was!! Wanna know why? Well, since you're a journal, you're gonna hear about it regardless of desire!! Anyway, John was working, and I was wondering aloud to Jess how much the bottled frappucinos cost as he walked by. He leaned over the counter a little and asked if I had a question. I was like "uh, yeah, how much are the frappucinos?" and he was like "the bottled ones?" and I was like "yeah" and he was like "yeah, I think they're [some price I can't remember cuz I was too excited that he was actually talking to me] or something like that" and I was like "ok, thanks" and smiled sweetly as always. ^_^ Holy CRAP, he is a babe. I want to be his so badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough* ok...I'm okay....really.....¬¬ but yeah, I get to go eat dinner now. Pleasant dreams, all! (for I shall most certainly be having them!) Oh but one more thing: My friend is telling everyone I like her brother even though all I did was ask if he had a g/f. That doesn't always mean you like a person. Honestly, I thought he had one and I thought I might know her, so I asked. GEEZ. SO now she's telling the world.....including him and all her other family members *smacks forehead* ... I confess, I do think he's pretty hot, but I barely know the guy! I swear, if anyone is reading this and can't decide if it's right to meddle in other people's affairs, lemme straighten one thing out for you: IT'S NOT RIGHT. K bye!

More good news!-Thursday, January 23, 2003-11:01 p.m.
No school tomorrow either!!! YEEEESSSSS!!! Maybe, if I get lucky, and Katie is so kind, she'll come get me and we'll go to Starbucks and see John if he's working. 'Course, with my luck, he probably won't be working...but HEY, it's still Starbucks! --Whether he's working or not, the drinks are still fantastic! ^_^ But yes, just thought I'd update the records of my current happiness, mwahahaha!

WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!-Thursday, January 23, 2003-08:12 a.m.
I've decided to use this preposterous font color to signify my GRAND CELEBRATION of school closings today!! I DO LOVE A GOOD SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooohoooo!!!! *dances about* Now it is time for my snow dance/song:

*dance dance dance*

• School is out,
• School is closed,
• Good thing for snow,
• Cuz MAN, school blows!!!

*dance dance dance*

Anyway, I shall go now and celebrate my freedom elsewhere! Talk at ya later!

Welcome to my own personal Hell!-Wednesday, January 22, 2003-05:38 p.m.
OK, Patrick will NOT relent in his stalking of me....and I'm going insane!! He won't stop calling, Iming, and emailing me, but at least I finally confessed to Katie the truth of my feelings toward him (nonexistent as they are) so that she'll stop setting up little meetings for us!! I'm still mad about that evening when I thought I was going to the mall, and instead she had made it a "double date" of sorts...I'm not mad at her, but I HATED the way he was making the night sound like a date when it WASN'T even close to one!!!!! *ahem* Anyway, I was upset about him today, but it felt good to finally just tell Katie so she won't keep making dates "accidentally." Another thing that pretty much ruined my day was the drama posting this morning. I shouldn't have looked at the cast list at the beginning of the day, cuz then I was pissed the rest of the day! Not only did I not get the White Queen part, but someone who can't act DID get it. PLUS, I got two SUPER-UBER-CRAPPY parts instead! >.< AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm one of the white pawns -_- and the ticket seller -_- -_-. What a complete let-down! Just because I haven't had all the classes that some of the others in my class have had, that doesn't mean I can't act! I'm better than most of them in there, merely because they don't fully understand certain emotions, let alone convey them well, and the girl who got the part I wanted doesn't even understand the character of the White Queen, simple as it is!!!! GAH! YES, I'm bitter, but too bad if they don't like it. They should beware though, cuz I am 50% of the costume crew (it's just me and Bri) and I can reek some serious havoc on their outfits!!!!! I'll make 'em wear REALLY retarded, crappy, embarrassing costumes to repay them for their insolence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on to other things! All my other classes went decently, and Otaku Club was wonderful as always! We watched a couple episodes of Fushigi Yugi! ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ GOOD STUFF. And then one girl let me borrow Angel Sanctuary, so I'm looking forward to getting around to watching it! THEN, when I told mom about my crappy day when she picked me up, she took me to Starbucks (^_^) and guess who was working - JOHN!!! ^.^ He is so hot......and he took our order, and he fixed our frappucinos and handed them to me. Then he went on a break, and we saw him in his car as we left, and so now I know what his car looks like so I don't have to go in all the time to see if he's working! YAY! Plus I found out he lives in Paulding County...I dunno if that's a good thing though...LoL. I had an embarrassing moment right before I left though...I forgot to lock the bathroom door, and one girl working there walked in on me briefly (SO EMBARRASSING!!!..for BOTH of us!). I guess I better be grateful it was her if it was gonna be anyone at all....cuz, well....those bathrooms in SB aren't exactly gender-specific......stupid unisex bathrooms!!! I mean, what if someone ELSE (hint hint) had walked in...I WOULD HAVE SHOT MYSELF OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK no thinking about that, cuz I'm embarrassed anough as it is. So anyway, I can't wait until I get my Darcy pillowcase! ^_^ ^_^ I shall go daydream about John and Colin now....*sigh*

Hmmm...-Tuesday, January 21, 2003-05:48 p.m.
I'll confess, I'm a little down today. I'm currently talking to Jon online (among other people), and it has been a while since the last time we talked. I've just found out that he has a girlfriend now....named Christina...I shouldn't be sad, should I? We broke up about four months ago, and I feel bad for..well...feeling bad! I guess I never completely got over him. And now it's far too late to undo what I've done. It depresses me to think about it. I had better stop before I get all teary-eyed. GAH, too late for that,too! Another thing that's bothering me is the whole Children's Theatre thing...I REALLY REALLY REEEAAALLY want the part of the White Queen in Looking Glass Land, but it looks to me like I'm not gonna get it. You see, today we were finishing up auditions, and she had a few call-backs already from the auditions on Friday. I wasn't one of them....Someone else played the White Queen each of the two times that she picked roles for her call-back scenes ;_; That SUCKS. I really wanted that part more than anything. I guess there's a chance I may still get it, but I highly doubt it. Let's just put it this way: II would be more surprised if I got the part than if everyone came to school naked tomorrow. that's how much I doubt my good fortune. Hah, WHAT good fortune??? Anywayz...I have a lot of homework, so I think I shall go put in a movie and do my homework while I watch it....Most likely Bridget Jones's Diary, merely because Colin Firth will surely make me feel a LOT better. Oh great, Adam's on. That's all I need, another guy who used to care about me but now doesn't care whether I live or die. Yup, I'm DEFINITELY leaving now. Later.

Good morning, all!-Monday, January 20, 2003-11:06 a.m.
Yay! I don't have to be at schooooool!!! Just thought I'd express my extreme happiness......^_^ Mom and I are going out shopping today. Perhaps we will take another trip to SB, yes? I do hope so!! I wanna see John from SB sooo baaaad -- wait, never mind. I almost forgot, he doesn't stare at me when I'm with mom. DANG IT. Anyway, I had better go get ready....but first, I must close my conversation with Jay. So I shall return later!

Today has been a good day...^_^-Sunday, January 19, 2003-08:52 p.m.
Today after church, John, Matt, Nick, and I had a last minute band rehearsal. John was staring at me a lot while he played around on his guitar as he usually does...except he seemed a little more intent on it today...and he even smiled at me in an odd way...¬¬ I dunno how to explain it, but it was nice. If you've ever seen the A&E Pride and Prejudice (with Colin Firth, of course ^_^), there's this one part where Lizzie and Darcy are staring at each other lovingly and it's REEEALLY sweet -- not saying John was staring at me LOVINGLY, but it was still nice. You have to admit, it IS nice to be looked at once and a while, merely because it makes you feel worth someone's attention for once, and that maybe you aren't so very hideous that people would turn to stone if they looked at you. That's how I generally feel, but today was a nice little pick-me-up from my usual downcast feeling. Thanks, John, wherever you are. Also, I went to Starbucks after practice. I met mom there, cuz John dropped me off there on his way home. That's another thing. He always takes me home after practice cuz I'm SORT OF on his way, and we talk a lot then. I always end the day feeling great! Anyway, like I was saying, John dropped me off at Starbucks, and by the way he did it, I almost thought he was going to join us. He pulled into a parking space for me to get out, and he turned off his engine....so I was thinking to myself, oh, I guess he's gonna get out and come inside with me, cuz otherwise I would have thought he'd just stop in front of the door and let me get out...It was strange, but I let it go and went inside, naturally thanking him as always for the ride. But guess who was working at Starbucks!! -- the OTHER John! The dude that is always staring at me when I go in there....but he didn't stare too much today, I guess cuz my mom was there, cuz he never seemse to pay much attention to my existence unless I'm just with another girl friend...Maybe parents creep him out or something...o.0 I dunno! But I at least got a look at him! Mr. Lybrand may have said he was told John has a girlfriend, but hey, he still stares at me freely, and I enjoy it freely, lol. Something about me and those Johns!! <3 John L. (the guy I actually TALK TO) read what I was writing to Dweenie, and so he knows about my little crush on John from SB (Starbucks John) and he made a little crack anbout it today. lol that's probably why he decided not to come inside with me!! HE'S JEALOUS!!! HAHA NOT. Anyway, I'm spent with the mental stuff for now, so I'll write more later...maybe even again tonight, seeing as how I don't have school tomorrow!!!!!!!! ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

Weeeee...-Wednesday, January 15, 2003-10:05 p.m.
I'm supposed to be in bed...well, doing my homework, more like....but still! My hands and feet are gonna fall off from frostbite! I swear, there needs to be a heat duct going into this room, cuz the freakin' freeziness takes away from the joy of being on my computer -- wait, that's not a joy. That's RIGHT. I almost forgot. My computer is a piece of crap and therefore a pain in the ass. Nevertheless, I enjoy the time it allows me online ^_^ YAY! More time to look for pretty pictures of Colin...*drools* Well, I must away! To the bed I go! Sweet dreams! (I know I shall be having them!!)

I love Colin Firth!-Monday, January 13, 2003-09:56 p.m.
OK, get this: I have found a new and wonderful obsession! ^_^ Colin Firth is a British actor, and I LOVE him!! I know, I know, he's 42, but that doesn't automatically make a person ugly, thank you very much!!! He's such a freakin babe! See Bridget Jones's Diary...and assorted others ^_^. I'll have to make a list some day soon, but not now -- my hands are freezing and thus I am having difficulty typing! Note: Colin Firth is the new "decoration" on this page, teeheehee.